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Tonight I immersed myself in some classic Australian pop culture by watching Murielapos;s Wedding. I love Muriel so much, she is such a sad case but in the end she pulls through I love the ABBA music, I love the thick Aussie accents and I love how bittersweet it can be.

Most importantly, I see parts of myself in Muriel and her obsession with marriage. Trying on all the wedding dresses at the boutiques, playing I Do by ABBA as she walks down the aisle of her wedding. Her black sheep status and disfunctional family.

Beard Guy was a no show at work today, epic fail. I even worked an extra two hours just in case he came in.

Bel and I went to Cold Rock [another brilliant Aussie invention] for ice cream after work this evening. I had Milo flavoured ice cream with marshmallows and mms. We chatted about boys [Iapos;ve filled her in on my humiliating crush] and bitched about work. It was fun. I wish it couldapos;ve lasted longer.

Iapos;m dying for a sleep in, please let me sleep in tomorrow.
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So its been a month since I last posted.

Anyway I havenapos;t been up to much in the past month really. Iapos;m running for SRC�(Prefect). Highly doubt Iapos;ll be getting on, doesnapos;t matter though. Just more gym time for me than and the satisfaction of no regrets afterward. Other than that, schoolapos;s been pretty good for me. Good but boring

Iapos;ve been so bored I got to the ending point of FFX in about 23 hours. World record is 11 but I still messed around a bit and decided to do some fiend slaying. Tonight I plan on doing some 3 man training on Smackdown Vs Raw 08, Iapos;m slowly losing my touch but Iapos;ll start my new�streak tonight. Duncan beat me solid the other day fair and square no chance of coming back.

Yeah lifes been good, good but mostly a dream for me. Im tired of dreaming, but facing the reality of it all is too much. My relationship with Ash isnt very good right now, Iapos;d blame it on other people but thats pointless. Whatever their reasons are Iapos;d love to know, too bad Iapos;ll never get my chance of hearing that side of the story. Anyway Iapos;m too tired to put up with all of them anymore.

Puzzle Pirates people need to talk to their parents about these things I dont have time to be raising other peoples kids when I dont even have my own. I know it sounds arrogant but thats all it really is, people come to me for some reason to tell me their problems and I sort it out. Maybe cause no one else has to time or they have better things to do. Hah day in and day out people complain about how their life sucks, come spend a week in mine and you have earned that right.

Other than that my thoughts have run dry. Oh and Dreapos;s new album better blow Hip Hop back up its dead, lil Wayne and Kanye have brought it back a bit but its dying again... Slowly

Hopefully Iapos;ll get something to do soon
Nej

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Thatapos;s the title I came up with on my bike ride home as I mentally made the list of things I hate about me and what I do.

I hate that I have the attention span of a gnat and the only way I can do big projects is if I capture my initial enthusiasm and get far enough into it that Iapos;ve either sucked a bunch of friends into pulling me along, or nearly finished.

I hate that I canapos;t do that with renovating my house and that Iapos;m perpetually coming up with a different project I want to work on "right now"

I hate the fact that everytime I think Iapos;m going to have the time/headspace to spend six months resolving my house renovation, I come up with another SCA project that seems like more fun - until Iapos;m sick of it or itapos;s finished and I realise that I havenapos;t got a renovated house yet.

Oh well, off to lie on the couch watching dumb Friday night TV and feeding Rose to sleep.

See you in the morning when Iapos;m feeling better.
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Can today get any worse? Hah. I�bet now that I said it, it probably will. Letapos;s see I�just had a major fight with my sister with something small, but grew into bigger and started into stuff that I�had been keeping inside. Generally, thatapos;s not a good sign coming from me... Now as for school, I got a couple warnings from my some of my teachers. Then, in band today, I�was supposed to "challenge" this girl named Anna for her higher chair, but she totally backed out. She said that she was sick for three days, and didnapos;t practice. Why didnapos;t she practice at home? That fucking dimwit. Iapos;m so pissed. I hope I�didnapos;t catch any germs from her. UGH. I hate her so much with her squinty little eyes and "old people" hair. Sheapos;s always been a bitch. Iapos;m so pissed. I�practiced EVERYDAY�for this fucking challenge, and we didnapos;t even challenge I�seriously wanted to spit in her face right then and there. Then, in French I found out that I wonapos;t be in Samapos;s math class anymore... But this girl named Ally is going to replace my spot. Iapos;m so upset. That means that my entire schedule might be changed next semester. Iapos;ll probably have to make new friends and crap. This is so depressing. Not to mention that I like Sam... A lot. Iapos;m so pathetic.

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i haf a hard time creating this acc bt finally itapos;s done.=))iapos;m gonna try this out so hope it works fine for me=)) chatting wif my sis right now. She slp so late here then go back now cannot slp le.. Hahaha...then morning must wake up early some more.. Wahahahaha..enough abt her.. Later she see sure kil me.so yah, iapos;ll be getting out of the house today to get my�pay n then back home to catch my show.iapos;m a happy gal cause my sis is so sweet.. Hahaha... Alright, iapos;m super tired so iapos;m going to bed now. Tmr then�i shall blog more or something.

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�Itapos;s hilarious Oh my gosh Iapos;m watching Rush Hour 1 and 2 and later on 3.. Itapos;s so hilarious And seeing guys in bath robes fight is so wrong (movie 2) Also, hearing a chinese man say things like "shit" or some other vulgarities is really wrong But other than the movie, I canapos;t believe some people And I really canapos;t stand this girl She constantly tells lies and all... And bombarding this other girlapos;s blog with vulgarities and mean words and all.. I was thinking "how rude" Friend my foot Friends donapos;t tell lies like that And her attitude.. She thinks sheapos;s so cute and cool and all, well sheapos;s not Trying to impress other people by telling lies just isnapos;t cool.. Sheesh

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So this Sunday there was a post secret that sums up something Iapos;ve been dealing with a lot the past few weeks perfectly...



The past two years of my homeschooling have been fucking hell. I canapos;t focus, and I canapos;t separate school from home anymore. Itapos;s driving me insane. One thing I always wished I could change about my life is that I could go back and put myself in the public school system.

But no. And the one reason why my parents homeschooled us? Because there was no religion in school... But homeschooling didnapos;t help much, I havenapos;t gone to church in over a month.

So, after weeks of horrible fights with my parents we finally calmed down and talked like humans today about what Iapos;m going to do. Theyapos;ve realized how miserable and hopeless I am, even if it is my senior year. So theyapos;re (grumpily) letting me take the GED test.

THANK YOU GOD

Iapos;m gonna take it by Christmas so I can start at the community college next semester. Phew. Life is a crazy trip, eh?

But? I feel hopeful and refreshed. Go me

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Maya Angelou said these things when asked what sheapos;s learned in life.

apos;Iapos;ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled
Christmas tree lights.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, youapos;ll miss them when theyapos;re gone from your life.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that making a apos;livingapos; is not the same thing as apos;making a life.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that you shouldnapos;t go through life with a catcherapos;s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that even when I have pains, I donapos;t have to be one.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.apos;
apos;Iapos;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.apos;

The last one is the one I think is the truest one of all. I think that is why Iapos;m not good at remembering dates or names. Those are details that are not important to me. But what I feel about a person I know or have met or a thing Iapos;ve seen is branded on me. Maybe thatapos;s why I fumble over words sometimes; Iapos;m trying to say what canapos;t be said.

Surround yourself with what makes you feel good.

Love you,
Mom

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Iapos;m tired of wasting my time on something I will never be able to have.

Iapos;m tired of fighting and not conquering.

Iapos;m tired of being hurt and betrayed.

Iapos;m tired of my friendapos;s being hurt and backstabbed by people we used to call our friends.

Iapos;m tired of the face that I canapos;t please everyone, Iapos;m sorry Iapos;m just human.

Iapos;m tired of not being good enough.

Iapos;m just sick and tired or being sick and tired.

Iapos;m tired of cramming for exams and studying until 3am.

Iapos;m tired of the tears.

Iapos;m tired of the disappointment.

Iapos;m tired of gaining a friend, but losing two or three at the same time.

Iapos;m tired of late nights and early mornings where I just lay in my bed and canapos;t turn my brain off.

Iapos;m tired of thinking.

Iapos;m tired of trying.

Iapos;m sorry I care.

Iapos;m sorry I want to help you.

Iapos;m sorry Iapos;m just trying to be a good friend.

Iapos;m sorry I canapos;t do anything right.

Iapos;m sorry I donapos;t make straight Aapos;s and have a 4.0 GPA.

Iapos;m sorry Iapos;m a normal teenager.

Iapos;m sorry for hurting you.

Iapos;m sorry if I am a sucky friend sometimes.

Iapos;m sorry if I turn to you for support.

Iapos;m sorry if I turn to you late at night when I need someone to talk to.

Iapos;m tired of saying "Iapos;m sorry" and never being believed.

Iapos;m sick of people judging me and others.

Iapos;m sick of the way others treat others.

Iapos;m sick of the betrayal and the lies and the mind games and the bullshit.

Iapos;m just sick of everything, Iapos;m so over it.

Iapos;m sorry this is so long, but LiveJournal is truly the ONE place I can express myself.
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